Singles advice guru Marnie Macauley has humorous and savvy solutions for singles over 50 who are looking for love in all the wrong places. Unless you’ve connected with your mailman, or you’re expecting your love to bungee jump through your chimney, you’re not going to find him or her if you’re picking lint off your loveseat. I am well-educated, have been a teacher of literature for over 35 years, love good films, good books, politics, interesting conversation, and laughter. An intelligent, witty and independent woman is exactly the kind of woman I would want to date. ” “INVISIBLE” AFTER 50: THE MALE POINT OF VIEW Marnie: I’m 54, educated and am vice-president at my company. The last two women decided after several dates, that I wasn’t right for them. My Dear Singularians, Those of you who are in your 20-40’s are lucky. I wonder what your advice would be to a man who wants companionship, wants to share the beauty and absurdities of life with someone, but who doesn’t go ‘out there’ looking? The first is a college graduate with a well-paying job. The first cheated and the next was a jobless drunk. She finds me boring because I don’t have any major “problems.” What?
Many so-called boomers — people born between the years of 19 — are entering singlehood later in life, holding onto the rules and values from the 1960s and 1970s. The “new” 90 is 50, and the “new” 50 is 35 but we’ve earned those wrinkles. We’re thriving, often with gelt, a history of love and commitment … ) INVISIBLE: DATING AT 52 Dear Marnie: I’m 53 and a single mom after a divorce. Don’t look at them, think about them, or man hunt for one month. They’re lies told to you by other people — even parents — who were passing along their own craziness. To quote Still, a society run by tweenies with tats does its best to cast aside anyone over the age of 40. which makes for an entertaining evening, if not a romance. I’m very attractive, educated, a professional and look about 45. And you’d get more noticed if you’d repeat the above sentences like a mantra. * Dating Rules for the Sophisticated: Clearly the boors you’ve been breaking bread with have gotten all tangled up with your self-image. Get in touch with you, you glorious thing, without worrying about “invisibility” or a dirty rotten scoundrel of a culture. ONE: “I don’t really go out because I can’t stand the thought of another lousy date — or rejection! Counter each self-defeating thought with evidence and re-framing. You know more about what works for you and what doesn’t. I’ve dated what I’ll call “spottily” in the seven years since divorcing — sometimes with passion, sometimes with malaise — and it just doesn’t do much for me. How many men over 50 with an IQ higher than an eggplant would prefer an undereducated, money grubbing desperate damsel who has registered her biological clock with Timex — or a trophy? TWO: Do museums, trips, books, films that celebrate our gender. Then there’s Wallis Simpson who, at 51, almost took down England by wedding Edward. I’ve had enough.” TWO: “I was so hurt and betrayed by my ex! For example: I frequently get e-mail signed “Loser” from women, divorced after many years, when hubby turned into Brad Pitt with a bad toupee, and found a JLo clone. I’m beginning to feel that based on our society’s values, I have little to offer a man. I’m not in child-bearing years; I’m not in a help-him-get-ahead age; I don’t need him to support me; I’m not seeking a father for my child; I am often more worldly and traveled than the men I meet. And worse, you’re letting the hype-meisters get to you. I’m educated, professional and financially independent! I’m not wiggy about reproducing or looking for a daddy for my child — or myself! (OK, some, but not all.) * You’re lying to yourself. Rent “Shadowlands.” Honey, I have it on good personal authority that Joy Davidman was so ugly she could put Cruella de Ville out of business, yet she captured the heart of the curmudgeonly old misogynist, C. When you’ve finished this exercise, you’ll not only be (rightly) nuts about you, but cheered and emboldened by some glorious reality. Sometimes a professionally prescribed medication boost can be a helpful mood-switcher. I just don’t trust men.” THREE: “If only I lost 50 pounds, that thigh waffle, had Botox…” And we sneak back into the sofa of safety, instead of facing down our demons. We can choose to see our rotten choices as a major life flop and drown our egos in self-recrimination, or … Don’t lose those qualities when you need them most.
I can tell you, trust is a huge issue among us oldies.
* If this were a project for your firm, what would you do? Just as you would evaluate a job candidate, evaluate the truth about how you feel about the women you meet.
I assure you, 90 percent of single women over 35 talk about it with theirs. There’s a lotta great ladies out there, my man, who are gorgeous, un-needy, and ripe for a real relationship.
I have been asked out recently, but find that most men I meet are immature, self-centered, have unhealthy habits, lack awareness of why their marriage went wrong, or desire those things I can’t offer. Trash any magazine featuring pencil-size tweenie people on the cover. I’m worldly, sophisticated, not into it for the money! THREE: After the month, do NOT accept a date with a man until you’ve had at least three phone calls that don’t involve: a) his ex, b) his therapist, c) his 12-step program, d) massive boredom. Once you get in passion with you, you’ll attract like-minded pursuers. INVISIBLE AFTER 50 Dear Readers: Getting back into the dating world when you’re 50 plus has always been daunting. I received a ton of mail from seemingly amiable gentleman who, sputtering how they “normally wouldn’t do this,” were eager to meet our Ms. While I don’t run a dating service, it confirmed that men of substance do exist for Baby Boomers plus. .” Seventy-five per cent of the issue is about finding you. * Finding you first is one of life’s golden experiences. we can choose to see those years as a series of major successes thanks to our superb intentions.
I’m interested in connecting with someone, but have been feeling that the love I had (and I did experience real love) was my one experience with it and it’s over for me on that score. — Dating at 53 MARNIE SAYS: Hey you adorable pessimist, if you don’t get that brilliant head of yours out of that supine position, I’ll have to personally whoop you into shape. This simple rule will spare your dreams (and your ear) not to mention the wear-and-tear of a night out with a waste of your time. I promise that once you flip your “sorry” credentials into truth-mode, quit buying into idiot cultural notions or wasting time with idiots you’ll not only feel visible, but the halo of bright light surrounding you will grab the attention of the proper potentials. But when our new “American idols” are barely pubescent with thighs the size of Q-tips, (or pecs the size of melons) who wouldn’t feel they’ve been banished to the Isle of Botox? True, you’re bound to meet bounders and nit witches at any age in the dating jungle. Third: Tell yourself, for once, it isn’t about anyone else.
Before you agree to share a latte, make sure he’s sweetness itself — and that he knows Philadelphia doesn’t start with an “F.” FOUR: Keep the love affair with you going. Of course, the absolutely terrific news is that our guys are there. That isle is filled with like-minded, marvelous singles over 50 who are desperately seeking a mature, compatible human who knows that the Chicago Seven isn’t a rap group. I finally have the opportunity not to fix, bandage, or Neosporin a relationship.